How to Beat Phil and Todd Every Time

Picture this... You are arguably the 16th best beach volleyball team on the AVP Crocs Tour. One day you get a call from the commissioner of the AVP. He tells you that there's going to be a pro beach volleyball tournament in Riverside, and HE WANTS YOU THERE!  Turns out the Commish wants to set up a second round exhibition match between 

your team and the Olympic gold medalist team of Phil Dalhausser and Todd Rogers... Are you nervous yet? Hold on to your mouse, there's more... He wants to put it on one of the outside courts and he says there will be tens of people watching. The tension can cut a knife. My question is this... How are you going to beat the Beijing Beast and the Professor in front of all those fans? Are you picturing it? Unbelievable scenario you say? I think not.

Turns out that's actually a true story and it happened to me no more than a little while ago. You're probably asking yourself, "Yo B-Blog, how did you beat them?" Actually... we didn't.  The Olympic gold medalists apathetically had a tea party on back line while Billy "The Merman" Allen, my partner, and I frantically tried to bury our heads in the sand like terrified ostriches. However, after reviewing the game film, I discovered all of Phil and Todd's weaknesses and I now know how to beat them every time. If you aren't ready to accept what I say as the absolute truth, please turn around now. But if you are, by all means, follow me to the easy, step-by-step method to beating the beast.

If you are having trouble internalizing these steps, please watch the video clip at the bottom to aid as an instructional tool.

How to beat Phil and Todd in 5 Easy steps.

1. When Todd Rogers serves the ball to your partner, the first thing you do after setting him is call out "Bald Head." This will remind your partner to hit Phil with the ball on top of his bald head. Now, don't get the "bald head" call confused with the "face" call. We don't want to hurt him... He's a national icon. Just hit the ball on top of his head so that it bounces towards the Omega Nebula.

2. After your partner dongs the ball off Phil's head, Todd should easily be able to run it down and give Phil a perfect set from 40 feet off. That's why you want to stay up at the net just in case. But don't show too much interest in being ready. Just wait until the last second and then proceed to joust living daylights out of Phil so he almost falls to the ground. 

3. After the joust, Phil will most likely still be able to easily get the ball up for Todd to set him again. However, this is where you throw in a twist and drop on Phil instead of putting up another block. 

*Note - It is a good idea, whenever possible, to drop off the net when Phil is hitting.

4. After you drop off the net, go ahead and dig Phil's thunder as if to say... "Is that all you have to offer? Because if so, maybe you should offer more of a selection, like AM-PM or Costco. Then maybe your customers will come back more frequently, thus resulting in a greater net profit."

5. Finally, your perfect dig should result in a great set in which you rise up and smash the ball down to the earth on their side with all your might... and Boom Goes the Dynamite!

If you follow these five easy steps, then you will score every point in the match, and you will win handsomely. Please view this educational video as an aid to help you dominate Phil and Todd every time.

Also, don't forget to vote for me in the Paul Mitchell Hot Shots challenge... Or Billy because then I get free conditioner.